The Hetalia Imperium Encyclopaedia of Diseases
by smoking-tulips
Summary: Neighbours and friends acting strange? Perhaps they have fallen ill...use this handy 'Encyclopaedia' to determine what your loved ones have contracted!    Utter crack and mostly done for my RP-friends
1. Chapter 1 The Dutch Disease

**The Dutch Disease: **

A terrible condition that renders the sufferer unable to talk just one language, the disease is also known for making the patient crave strange cheese and the urge to wear orange. The English fear this disease like they fear the French acquiring more brain power or the ability to stop protesting.

The British though for centuries the only thing that could cure the Dutch disease was to drink incredible amounts of beer and whiskey. However, this only created a larger population of Scottish people and thus it is still labelled an un-curable condition.

The Belgians however, seem to have found a cure by avoiding wearing strong and bright colours and keep the disease at bay by acting French and stuffing any Dutch person they see full of chocolate to kill of any of the Dutch germs. Some scientists have proposed a theory that most Dutch diseases sufferers will be good tradesmen, however, after some research on the scientists themselves, it was discovered they where Dutch, and thus no one takes this hypothesis seriously

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_No offence intended towards any Dutch. Ik hou van je? :D_


	2. Chapter 2 The Saudi Arabian Disease

**The Saudi Arabian Disease:**

The disease came into the world centuries ago, but it is only currently that the rest of the world has truly acknowledged it and begun to fear it. Sure tell tale signs of an infected, is the sudden change of the person's skin colour. Sufferers seem to acquire a more tanned skin tone and their hair will often go darker, the urge to wear a turban often manifests in the early stages of the disease. Turning down alcohol is also a side effect (and the reason this disease is so feared in Ireland, Scotland and Denmark) After a few weeks of having been infected, the sufferer will acquire sudden wealth and all of a sudden know a lot about oil and how to run businesses. The infected often acquires a sword at some stage of the disease, and this has of course led to many American's fearing for their own lives (although it has never been proven that the infected causes harm with the sword, but reports of dancing have been made)

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_No offence intended_

_Done purely on request_


	3. Chapter 3 The Hungarian Disease

**The Hungarian Disease:**

When looking for signs of a patient being infected by this disease, the first signs might be very subtle and difficult to spot. However, from reports gathered by well respected physicians, we know that the patient will often carry a camera at all times (this trait is often the reason this disease is mistaken for the Japanese Disease in many instances) Often there will be an increase in the patient's strength – something that led to a few Olympic contestants infecting themselves with the disease (they where all banned and placed in quarantine for the remainder of the Olympics) Hungarian Disease sufferers where in the old days treated by Finnish doctors, and prescribed long hours in Spas, however, upon seeing the patients' become very excited about such a treatment, we now know it is a trait of the disease to render the sufferer a great lover of spas (The Finnish never saw this a real problem, but the Australian Doctors found it to be a waste of perfectly good water)

Rumours that the disease makes a person good at embroidery has yet been confirmed and the French insist it's simply a rumour started by the English to make them seem more masculine.

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_Requested again. Hope you like it Hungary_


	4. Chapter 4 The Norwegian Disease

**Norwegian Disease:**

Determining whether a person has the Norwegian Disease can be difficult; as sufferers often do not talk very much about any change, or any of the symptoms themselves. There are however, some very tell tale signs to look out for. For one, the infected seem to obsessively drink large amounts of coffee and go for long, strenuous walks (if available, will climb any mountain in sight) and will think nothing of heading off on a long ski trip with only hot chocolate, an orange and some chocolate as 'provisions'. Unfortunately, one does not have to be infected to suffer from this disease, as the infected will develop a very harsh form of sarcastic humour and be terribly blunt in many instances to anyone around him or her.

The reason so many infected are regarded a threat to society is their sudden ability to '_talk_' to and '_see_' "Fairies" and "trolls". Some Doctors often diagonses sufferers of the Norwegian Disease wrongly because of this. They believe the hallucinations are a product of getting high and send them to rehabilitation. (Re-hab is known for only making it all the more worse) Newer research has determined that while the disease might be depressing for anyone around the infected, the patient themselves seem rather satisfied with life, despite complaining about the smallest of things

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_This was fun~_

_mocking myself always great to do..._


	5. Chapter 5 The Belarusian Disease

**Belarusian Disease:**

Labelled as a disease most men fear worse than death in several places, might seem a bit odd at first. However, this disease seems to mainly be contracted by women and often their personality will undergo drastic changes. The infected is prone to stalking and obsessing over close relatives in a way that is very unhealthy (for both parts). Expressing little emotion for days for then suddenly burst into a fit of anger seems to also be a common side effect. The inability to swim is, however, for many the downfall of being infected with this disease, as it is an illness that came into being in a landlocked country, scientists have declared that the sufferers will have to be kept away from water, as the sufferer and water can lead to fatal accidents.

Some research has been done on this disease, however any attempts at rehabilitation has proven to be futile. The most effective way to treat the infected seem to be letting the patient be close to her (or his) current obsession. However this is often difficult as the patient's obsession usually wants nothing to do with the patient.

All patients observed so far in research have shown exceptional skills in knife wielding, but no information has been released about this being an official side effect or not

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_A.N:_

_No offence intended...but this was fun~~  
_


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